Monday, May 25, 2015

Charlie Brown Vs. Lucy van Pelt

So I guess there is some hoopla over the new NFL extra-point kicks -

Well The Czar is here to make things better!

Goal Posts

  • "Uprights" shortened with a crossbeam added on top making a square.
  • Uprights will now be referred to as “the square”.

Scoring Kicks
  • The football must pass through the square to count for Standard Points.
    • Standard Points are the extra point after a touchdown and field goal.
    • If the ball is kicked over, to either side or under the square, the kick is unsuccessful.
  • The football may touch the square for 10 Bonus Points.
    • Bonus Points are awarded regardless of the outcome of the kick.
      • If the kick bounces off the square and then goes through the square (successful kick), Standard Points + Bonus Points are scored.
      • If the kick bounces off the square but does not go through (unsuccessful kick) only Bonus Points are scored.
    • No Bonus Points are awarded if the ball touches the ground before it touches the square.
Scoring Kicks – Extra Points
  • Upon scoring a touchdown and the scoring team elects not to attempt a conversion, an extra point kick may be attempted from the 15 yard line.
Scoring Kicks – Field Goals
  • Field Goal will now officially be pronounced as “feel-gull”.
  • Field Goals will be scored based on where the ball is spotted at the line of scrimmage, 1 point for every 10 yard range away from the end zone as follows:
Line of Scrimmage
On or Between
Goal Line-10 Yard Line
1 Point
11-20 Yard Line
2 Points
21-30 Yard Line
3 Points
31-40 Yard Line
4 Points
41-50 Yard Line
5 Points
Beyond the 50 Yard Line
49-40 Yard Line
6 Points
39-30 Yard Line
7 Points
29-20 Yard Line
8 Points
19-10 Yard Line
9 Points
9-Goal Line
10 Points

These better rules will make the game more exciting, higher scoring and generally more entertaining.  A premium will be placed on deadly accurate kickers who can bring glorious victory to their team!  And the drama!  Oh just think of the drama!  The 4th quarter, down by 14, time running out, ball on the 43 yard line, can the kicker shank one off the square for a successful field goal and 15 points for the win? 

--The Czar has spoken!

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Triple Play

The Houston Astros scored a triple play today.  When I'm in charge of all baseball, triple plays will be encouraged.  Any players that are involved in turning a triple play will be rewarded with cash on the spot.  How's that for some positive reinforcement?!

"Eerrors" on the other hand will be discouraged.  Any people who can't spell check
sports writers that commit spelling eerors will be charged $50 per eerror which will then be donated to schools in the cities of the teams that are being covered in the story.

Eerror's all around!
--The Czar Has Spoken!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Patriots QB Tom Brady hit with 4-game suspension for Deflategate BLATANTLY cheating (had to fix that headline for ya!)

  • Brady suspended 4 games
  • Patriots 1 Million dollar fine
  • -2 draft picks next year 

  • This sure seems like an attempt to keep Brady fresh for the playoffs. If the Patriots don't lose the first 4 games, that's exactly what this is.

    A better punishment would be to require Brady to use completely deflated balls for passing plays and over inflated balls for running plays. Patriots QBs would have to go to the refs and declare their intent to use a passing play or a running play. The refs would then set the correct ball completely deflated or over inflated and play goes on as normal, unless of course there is a delay of game violation.

    Now you may be asking yourself, wont this give away if they play will be a pass or run? Yes, and that is part of the punishment. The other part is if the play uses the incorrect ball, I.E. running play with the deflated ball or passing play with the over inflated ball. That will result in a 15 yard penalty and a loss of down.

    The Czar has spoken